HOW ARE YOUR FRIENDSHIPS WITH VEGANS
DIFFERENT TO YOUR FRIENDSHIPS WITH NON-VEGANS?

Survey responses to the question 'How are your friendships with vegans different to your friendships with non-vegans?' ranged all the way from "I don't have non-vegan friends" to "they are not different; and it's absurd to think they are." Some thoughts I heard repeatedly were: 1) Sharing meals with vegans was much easier; eating with non-vegans is difficult or impossible for some vegans. 2) You can talk about animal rights issues or vegan food and shopping with each other, but non-vegans would just roll their eyes at you. 3) And plenty thought vegans talk A LOT, A LOT about veganism or food; lacking in conversational skills. 4) Many described other vegans more like family, than friends. (5) A difference is all the explaining and teaching that goes on with non-vegans; vegans can relax more in the company of vegans. 6) Repeatedly I heard from responders that they don't know other vegans (except for on-line), so had no basis of comparison. 7) A huge portion of responders did not see a difference in their friendships with vegans or non-vegans. 8) But many said it was easier to be close or intimate with other vegans. Many spoke of the unspoken bond between vegans. Many responders agreed that they respect vegans more than non-vegans and it's hard to get around that, even if it seems wrong. And quite a few responders used the word "deeper" to describe their friendships with vegans. Responses varied from 'NO difference' to 'Night and Day difference'. One responder seemed angered by this question being a leading question. I concede; he is right that it was phrased in a leading way. But, this question led to an abundance of really good responses! So here is the man's quote; angered by this leading question followed by a bountiful assortment of responses from vegans worldwide to the question: HOW ARE YOUR FRIENDSHIPS WITH VEGANS DIFFERENT TO YOUR FRIENDSHIPS WITH NON-VEGANS?

"They are people, good God; these questions are leading in a negative way. Surely you can do better than these. You definitely have an agenda...and that definitely turns people OFF to veganism. I love people, whatever they do or eat, they are all PEOPLE."

Anonymous, San Diego, CA., U.S.A.

"I don't have any vegan friends."

Anonymous, Bedford Park, South Australia

"I have too few vegan friends to know really."

Maia Finlayson, London, England

"...My friendships with meat-eaters are usually strained because they want to discuss my veganism and how wrong it is, often. This causes me not to want to spend time with them."

Janet Parmelee, Bakersfield, California, U.S.A.

"I tend not to have friendships with non-vegans and could not have a true friendship with a meat-eater."

Annette White, Suffolk, U.K.

"When you have this great awakening, it's hard to understand how everyone isn't catching on, so in that way, it's a relief to be with someone who is also vegan."

Susanne DeMarco, Warwick, New York, U.S.A.

"All my friendships are individual. They are not influenced by veganism."

Anonymous, Birmingham, U.K.

"I feel like people who are not vegan don't 'get it' and I am living in a different universe than them, sometimes. The people who are vegan are on a whole different plane of existence and understanding about the world. I hope that we will all get there someday."

Rhonda Heffernan, Houston, Texas, U.S.A.

"I trust all my vegan friends a lot more. We are more like family than friends."

Mia Bayus, Toms River, New Jersey, U.S.A.

"I look at my non-vegan friends with a certain hint of sadness, knowing that they could be more compassionate."

Chef Jason Wyrick, Phoenix, Arizona, U.S.A.

"Vegan friends are more open, aware, and awake to the problems and injustices in the world and want to make a personal difference. My non-vegan friends tend not to have meaningful conversations very often. They would rather 'have fun' and not think about their place in the world. I am much closer to my vegan friends because the conversations are much deeper (less chit-chat and gossip)."

Anonymous, Toronto, CANADA

"It's great to have someone you can discuss vegan issues with and rant and rave your frustrations about meat-eating with. I have to tippy-toe and am very careful how I relate to my non-vegan friends as they are likely to see any discussion on veganism as an attempt to judge or convert them."

Di Smith, Cape Town, South Africa

"In some ways, but not many. It is nice to have friends that just understand the special challenges that vegans face in a meat and cheese obsessed culture. Even though being a vegan affects everything in my life, it is not something I harp on or have to talk about all the time. I feel that I can have more influence over people by making it a 'non-issue' and showing them that I can eat out at almost any restaurant with them and carry on a normal life."

Kristen Tamblyn, Denver, Colorado, U.S.A.

"They're pretty similar, though obviously there is a bond with vegans that we can't have with non-vegans."

Mike Nestor, Denman Island, British Columbia, Canada

"There is a wall between my non-vegan friends and myself. It's a little like we both know that there is this unspoken subject that prevents us from really being close with each other. With my vegan friends there is a bond that keeps us close. We are working toward the common good and chit chat is not just about what store we went shopping or which restaurant we are going to eat. Conversation is on a different level. We have animals to rescue and a planet to save. We really do not have time or the patience to talk superficially."

Surreta, Mahopac, New York, U.S.A.

"I am MUCH closer to my vegan friends than non-vegan friends, with a few exceptions. We share something sacred."

Evelyn Gray, Los Angeles, California, U.S.A.

"Friendships with vegans are smoother, kinder, empowering."

Veda Stram, Seattle, Washington, U.S.A.

"They aren't. All my non-vegan friends are happy to eat vegan food and also cook vegan for me. Usually if I'm the guest, 99% of the menu will be vegan."

Glenys, Herts, England, U.K.

"Truth is told; trust and respect flows from vegans."

Anonymous, Northern N.S.W., Australia

"Our friendships are with vegans, the others are acquaintances."

Frank and Mary Hoffman, Upstate, New York

"We can eat together! And we can talk about how difficult it can be to live in a meat-eating world. We share networking information to meet other vegans, as well as places to shop for shoes, food, etc. It can be nice to express frustration, anger and sorrow of living in a world where so many animals are killed for no reason..."

Emma Wynn, Cambridge, MA., U.S.A.

"Because meat/dairy production is now widely known to be a major cause of environmental degradation (recent United Nations report, Union of Concerned Scientists, Pew Charitable Trust reports, etc.), I am becoming less tolerant of meat-eaters. Where is Al Gore anyway? Is the global warming and other devastating environmental damage caused by livestock production an even more inconvenient truth?"

Anonymous, Cape Cod, MA., U.S.A.

"It seems to be something about a wavelength thing. Maybe being vegan indicates awareness of a terrible, massive-scale crime that our human society is mostly participating in (e.g. explained in THE WORLD PEACE DIET book by Will Tuttle) i.e. the exploitation, abuse and putting to death of millions and millions of beautiful, sentient, intelligent beings."

Katherine Doris Brown, Wellington, New Zealand

"All friendships can be challenging. Both closed-minded carnivores and self-righteous vegans can be very disagreeable."

Don Lutz, Gainesville, Florida, U.S.A.

"Most of my friends are vegan. There's a lot less tension, much more comfortable, especially at meal time. I am incredibly lucky to have so many people in my life who share my values."

Anonymous, Boston, MA., U.S.A.

"There's a better level of mutual understanding when both people's lifestyle spring from such a universally beneficial philosophy. With non-vegan friends, there's a detectable void, or an invisible wall palpable probably more to me than to them. They fundamentally see no problem with what I know to be cruelties: That is shaky ground at best upon which to base a foundation of friendship."

Shari Wosk, Fort Lauderdale, Florida, U.S.A.

"My best friend who I've known since kindergarten is non-vegan. She'll be a friend for life. While it would be nice to meet some vegans, I wouldn't trade our friendship for the world. I don't want to let myself let veganism affect who I form friendships with."

Jessica, Chicago, Illinois, U.S.A.

"I gravitate towards vegetarians/vegans, sometimes before I even know they are veggies. I am just attracted to their energy, philosophies. I find vegan veggie people more attractive in general, so I make more of an effort. I am talking about relaxed, open-minded, veggies. They can be hard core punk vegan. But I don't like preachy people who put others down, vegan or not."

Anonymous, Northern New Jersey, U.S.A.

"I actually feel a little uncomfortable around other vegans, because vegans are very diverse in their viewpoints and how far they take their veganism. I sometimes feel like I'm being judged when around other vegans."

Anonymous, Phoenix, Arizona, U.S.A.

"Compassion forms a bond which feels more real. I can't help thinking that my friends, who know a bit about how animals are treated through their contact with me, are not really living compassionately. I mean, I became vegetarian because I thought that was all I needed to do to stop animals dying for me (I avoided leather and rennet too) But the instant I found out how dairy cows and laying chickens suffered, I could no longer imagine wanting to eat products of their suffering. I expect others to live compassionately too."

Chel Chase, Bay Area of California, U.S.A.

"Well with vegans there is something in common, but sometimes nothing else to speak about apart from veganism, whereas with other people sometimes it feels weird that they're not vegan, but there are other things in common (music, lifestyle, etc.), so I really try to balance both."

Anonymous, U.K.

"They do not differ."

Anonymous, Richmond, Virginia, U.S.A.

"It makes it so much easier. No stupid questions such as, 'Don't you miss bacon?'. No arguing about where to go to eat. No disapproval. The acceptance and community are wonderful with other vegans. That said, my best friend is a meat-eater, but he respects me totally and buys me treats from Vegan Store when I'm down!"

Cathy Bryant, Manchester, U.K.

"I love my vegan friends and my non-vegan friends equally. But it's definitely more convenient joining a vegan for lunch."

Anonymous, Mountain View, California, U.S.A.

"... We have had some non-vegan friends drift away after we went vegan."

Anonymous, Houston, Texas, U.S.A.

"I feel a natural deeper connection to vegans, especially ethical vegans."

Melanie Wolf, South Florida, U.S.A.

"A peaceful diet tends to make for more peaceful people...."

Lauren Read, Clifton/Montclair, New Jersey, U.S.A.

"I am the same person with either."

Shannon, Central Florida, U.S.A.

"They aren't different. That would be absurd."

Anonymous, Boston, MA., U.S.A.

"I have more respect for those who are vegans. I hate to be an 'ego', but we're better people for who we are. Non-vegans aren't as ethical."

Rebecca, Philadelphia, PA., U.S.A.

"I think I view vegetarian and vegan friends as generally more compassionate and environmentally-aware than their non-vegan counterparts. I still love my non-veggie friends, but I won't lie and say that I don't feel more of a bond to my vegetarian cohorts because of our common love for animals, the environment, and our own health."

Rachael McBride, Gainesville, Florida, U.S.A.

"Generally speaking, I feel much safer and happier in a vegan's company."

Marina, Tel Aviv, Israel

"Yes. I feel I have to edit myself in front of non-vegans, so as not to feel (or make others feel) 'holier than thou'."

Anonymous, from MA. USA, now living in Sicily

"Almost all my friends are vegan."

Danielle, Washington D.C., U.S.A.

"Yes. We have a different orientation to the world (by choice), I think, which comes out in so many ways. An orientation of non-violence, of personal responsibility, of awareness. It's nice to share that."

Laura McClanathan, Santa Cruz, CA., U.S.A.

"The conversations I have with vegans are always positive, spiritually moving, and I feel a connection with them that can not be explained. My non-vegan friends tend to be more aggressive and unhappy. I'd rather spend my free time with vegans, they are my kindred spirits and I don't feel drained after speaking to them."

Inga Ambrosia, Miami, Florida, U.S.A.

"There isn't much difference. It is definitely nice to talk to people about it without having to edit yourself. I think I relate, in general, to vegans more than non-vegans. But then there is also a lot of internal vegan politics because people are vegan for different reasons and are at different levels of veganism. Sometimes that can be more frustrating than non-vegans."

Anonymous, Chicago, Ill., U.S.A.

"My friendships with vegans are deep and strong; my friendships with non-vegans are more acquaintances. Over the years, my non-vegan friends have drifted away."

Shemirah Brachah, Johnstown, New York, U.S.A.

"By existing. (I don't have non-vegan friends.)"

Achim Stoesser, Frankfurt, Germany

"I have more respect for vegans and therefore less conflicted in my feelings for them."

James O'Heare, Ottawa, Ontario, CANADA

"In general, we arrive at much higher realms of honesty with each other than with non-vegans."

Home (not a typo, that's his name), Hawaii, U.S.A.

"I can talk freely with vegan friends; with others I have to be careful not to mention the "V-word" or get into animal matters. It makes them uncomfortable and they change the subject."

David Horton, Sydney, Australia

"I think they are based on a deeper understanding of the world, and the suffering we inflict upon animals. Most vegans are very conscious of environmental issues and the effect of meat-eating on people in developing countries. This is a holistic way of living. Meat-eaters generally tend to live in a more close-minded world."

Jasmijn de Boo, London, England, U.K.

"Not very different at all. I express my views, but don' try to force anyone or behave in a critical manner. That is counter-productive and more likely to encourage non-vegans to defend meat-eating."

Mary Mitchell, London, England, U.K.

"No difference between vegan and non-vegan. I see all people as potential vegans and just love em!"

Grace, Northern New Zealand

"It's fun to 'talk vegan', to find out when and why people became vegan. I also find it tends to open people up to other refreshing ideas and philosophies, which for me make these people (vegans) more interesting."

Frances Dickenson, London, England

"We talk about more ethical issues than with non-vegans."

Ken Godfrey, N.S.W., Australia

"I don't like to be around people eating meat, and I have a little less respect for people who have been exposed to the issues but choose not to make any changes in their lives."

Dereck Goodwin, Northampton, MA., U.S.A.

"I generally relate better with other vegans (if they're vegan for ethical reasons) due to not being speciesist. Same as how I relate better to other non racist/sexist/etc..."

Mel Thomas, Salt Lake City, Utah, U.S.A.

"Vegans tend to instantly accept you as one of their own."

Dean, Auckland, New Zealand

"There is an unspoken bond that is there, an automatic kindred kind of feeling with other vegans."

Brook, South Florida, U.S.A.

"We have more in common (with vegans). But I do know good people who are not vegan; just misguided!"

George Barwick, Swansea, England, U.K.

"There is a special bond knowing we (vegans) are saving lives."

Donna Breau, Lynn, MA., U.S.A.

"There's an unspoken understanding and bond (amongst vegans)."

Lani, Johannesburg, South Africa

"Veganism hasn't affected my friendships. Most of my closer non-vegan friends don't eat meat when we go out together out of politeness. But dairy is never avoided. Either way, it hasn't mattered in us remaining good friends."

Susmitha, Bangalore, India

"Only in that we have that one thing extra in common, so this turns into talking about recipes, cookbooks, the animal rights movement, etc."

Amanda Perino, Amsterdam, Holland

"They are not different. True friends accept and respect you without judgment. My non-vegan friends have learned a lot about veganism and are very open to trying vegan foods. I think that is a huge step in the right direction."

Fran, Chicago, Illinois., U.S.A.

"I'm a lot closer and more open with my vegan friends. I feel I have to be careful what I'm saying as not to offend my non-vegan friends."

Kris Dove, Paisley, Scotland

"I am much more comfortable with vegans. Friendships with non-vegans are very superficial and platonic for me."

Anonymous, Detroit, Michigan, U.S.A.

"With non-vegans, I feel like I have to pretend to be someone else. I am stuck in a world where animals are tortured and killed daily for no reason, and the majority of people seem to not care. I intensely dislike that type of person who thinks that's okay, yet I am surrounded by them. So it's just a matter of coping with them, and not getting into discussions about veganism, since it can become an argument pretty quick. With vegans, I respect them and can have a more normal, relaxed relationship."

Richard Watts, England, U.K.

"They aren't much different, but I respect vegans more."

Ioanna, Phoenix, Arizona, U.S.A.

"Most of the time, I can not see through the meat-eater to the person inside."

Sarah Jane Carson, Reading, England, U.K. (under 18 at time of survey)

"My non-vegan friends are respectful of my and my family's veganism, so there isn't much difference."

Chris Phillips, Hartford, CT., U.S.A.

"I tried not to change the way I act and behave with old friends. It actually helps to show them that veganism is an easy, joyful, and powerful step. They respect me and acre about what I believe. I have only a few vegan friends, but with them we just feel like we found a new family...people that truly understand us!"

Vivian Salisbury, Ft. Lauderdale, Florida, U.S.A.

"I think we have a built-in understanding of morality and the concept of peaceful, global co-existence. Our politics and ideologies tend to be somewhat similar and practically speaking, it's a lot easier to dine and vacation together."

Veronica Ramos, Boston, MA., U.S.A.

"I could never fully respect someone who eats meat; however, I try to treat all people with equal regard. I have more vegetarian friends than non-vegetarian friends."

Andy Terry, Hertfordshire, U.K.

"With vegan friends, we do active things together (hike, yoga, have friendly competitions on machines at the gym) rather than watch movies or go out to eat. We talk about different things. We don't discuss symptoms, because we feel well. (And in my 50's, many of my friends definitely have symptoms, lol)."

Robin Smith, Salt Lake City, UT., U.S.A.

"I'm very close to many non-vegans, but they are not in my heart the same way that my vegan friends are. I will admit to knowing vegans I don't like much, however."

Barbara Bingnear, Melbourne, Florida, U.S.A.

"I practically have NO non-vegan friends anymore apart from family members. Because I am so strongly involved in my beliefs, I found it hard to find anything in common with others anymore. Their actions (or non-actions) made me feel that if they could not see what they were doing was harmful and cruel then I didn't really want to be around them."

Kellie, Gold Coast, Australia

"My vegan friends and I discuss animal issues a lot more frequently and more openly. I don't like talking about animal rights and veganism with my non-vegan friends because I always have to defend myself. However, because it's such an important issue to me, I find that I don't feel as close or connected to my non-vegan friends. I harbor secret anger toward them because I perceive their decision to eat animals as selfish."

Colleen Timmer, Minneapolis, Minnesota, U.S.A.

"There is a definite bond with vegans that I don't have with others. I hate to admit it, but I just can't have the level of respect for my non-vegan friends that I have for my vegan friends."

Charlotte, Southern California, U.S.A.

"With vegan friends there are no 'hippy' or vegan jokes. You can talk openly about being vegan without feeling like you are preaching. It's nice to feel you are on the same page with people."

Matt Wade, Sydney, Australia

"Positive and negative differences. Many vegans are too self-important and preach at others. This is not my way. I tend to not fit in with either group, to be honest."

Vicki Jeffrey, Hertfordshire, U.K.

"In general, I have more respect for my vegan friends. There are, though, non-vegans who I respect more than some of the vegans I know, as there are vegans who make other choices that I do not respect and non-vegans who make other choices that I do respect."

Dr. Andy Mars, Reseda, CA., U.S.A.

"In this stage of my life, I am pretty much surrounded by vegan friends. The friendships differ in that my vegan friends and I do many activist activities, fundraisers, events, etc.....we are all passionate and always working to make the world better. My vegan friends are highly intelligent."

Jill Hahn, Los Angeles, CA., U.S.A.

"I can look in my vegan friends' eyes and know they understand."

Keith Berger, Boca Raton, Florida, U.S.A.

"With non-vegans, there might be something that comes up that they don't realize would be offensive to a vegan."

Anonymous, Los Angeles, CA., U.S.A.

"I actually 'click' more with non-vegans as I am not a stereotype... I like make-up and girlie things, night clubs and watching TV. I am not serious and I don't preach to people. I don't like tie-dye, dreadlocks, and camping. I do have a couple of tatoos though! If I'm honest, I find a lot of vegans to be shy and straight-laced."

Fiona, Birmingham, U.K.